to school, or to another school?

Today I put in an application for G to go to an alternative program within the local school district, one that is about community and individualized learning and family involvement in education.  This program (I hear music in my head every time I think of it) is an amazing place for children, considering each person's needs and taking the idea of learning can be fun seriously. It has many similarities to the alternative (okay, maybe a little bit hippie) college where my husband and I met.  I really hope we can get in since I don't believe that a typical class would have enough support and individual awareness and care for him to succeed.  As his Auditory Processing disorder causes him to need more repetition and extra eye contact and a whole lot of patience and understanding, a lone teacher with thirty loud kids just isn't going to be able to meet his needs, and probably not even really understand where he's at, what he can and can't do.  

He's in a Special Education preschool now and I'm not very happy with it.  I mean, they are very patient and he loves being part of a class and being with other kids (besides his sister) but.  But it's not the right fit for him.  Their expectations are so low.  The other kids need a lot more attention and help, so he gets less.  The other kids have the same or lesser verbal skills and so they aren't helping him develop his communications.  Parents aren't welcome in the classroom.  It's just not right for him, for us.

If we can't get into the alternative program it will mean homeschool next year, taught by moi.  Which I'm terrified of doing, as I feel very underqualified and which I am also loathe to do because he needs social interactions in a classroom.  It's so important for his communication development and for his self esteem and so many other aspects of his development.

We spoke with our speech therapist about transferring G from his current Special Education preschool class to the alternative (but not Special with a capital "S") program and she said to go for it.  It made my eyes tear up to hear that she thinks he's ready.  And tear up again when she said that when she first met G, it would have been out of the question, but now she thinks he can be part of a classroom with "normal" kids.

In the meantime, we are waiting to see if we get in.  We are waiting, as always, to learn where the next leg of this journey will take us.  It felt good to decide to try to get in the program now.  My personal experience in most things has been that safe is sorry and I think it applies.  I want to school dangerously, and parent wherever and however G takes me.  Like the story of The Runaway Bunny, I am determined to find a place to fit into each day of his, each mood of his, each new challenge. To love him in whatever way he needs.