Friday, October 30, 2009
non-toys... the best toys
The kids are showing me again just how crazy I am to buy expensive toys. Today the item of the day is a large stainless steel mixing bowl, which they are spinning like a top, rolling across large expanses of living room and wearing on their backs as a "turtle shell". The best part (in my opinion) is when the bowl stops and makes a sort of gong-like sound and both kids shout "Too loud!" The dog is unsure what to make of this.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
fish
Because of Red Lobster we went to the pet store. I'll explain.
G and I were out running errands this afternoon and drove past the Red Lobster restaurant. He saw the big lobster and said "Mama, look, a crab." I said "That's a lobster but it does look a bit like a crab, you're right. Do you see the fish?" (pointing to the large painted fish on the side of the building) G looks for the fish and then asks to see the fish. He decided that the fish paintings meant it was an aquarium, which he loves and thought I was asking him if he'd like to see the fish. I try feebly to explain that no, it's not a place to look at fish, but he doesn't understand. It doesn't matter what I say now, he wants to see fish and thinks that I am denying him for some unknowable reason. We have come to an impasse.
This happens often, less than it used to, but still too often. It breaks my heart to know that from his perspective I offered something and then took it back, refused him. Sometimes I imagine the whole world seems that way to G. Our miscommunications make it hard for him to trust... hard for him to know that we care about his opinions and desires. And so, whenever we can, we show him that we hear him, understand him and aren't going back on our word.
So we went to the pet store and saw the fish. And we had a wonderful half hour watching fish and frogs, cats and birds and gerbils, and we picked up the dog bags we needed.
G and I were out running errands this afternoon and drove past the Red Lobster restaurant. He saw the big lobster and said "Mama, look, a crab." I said "That's a lobster but it does look a bit like a crab, you're right. Do you see the fish?" (pointing to the large painted fish on the side of the building) G looks for the fish and then asks to see the fish. He decided that the fish paintings meant it was an aquarium, which he loves and thought I was asking him if he'd like to see the fish. I try feebly to explain that no, it's not a place to look at fish, but he doesn't understand. It doesn't matter what I say now, he wants to see fish and thinks that I am denying him for some unknowable reason. We have come to an impasse.
This happens often, less than it used to, but still too often. It breaks my heart to know that from his perspective I offered something and then took it back, refused him. Sometimes I imagine the whole world seems that way to G. Our miscommunications make it hard for him to trust... hard for him to know that we care about his opinions and desires. And so, whenever we can, we show him that we hear him, understand him and aren't going back on our word.
So we went to the pet store and saw the fish. And we had a wonderful half hour watching fish and frogs, cats and birds and gerbils, and we picked up the dog bags we needed.
to draw and not to draw
G doesn't draw at home. He tells me what to draw. Occasionally he will color big messes and we tape them up on the wall to admire. And admire them I do, but I also long to see his awkward and misproportioned self portraits, houses with no doors and mile-high pink roofs and cowboys riding spaceships. So how excited was I when his teacher showed us a lovely circle, an "X" and a square that he drew all by himself at school? Very! Now I am left to wonder how to get him to draw shapes at home...
Maybe I need to go on a drawing strike myself. Do it wrong or don't do it at all. He says "Right here, cat, Mama" and I shake my head or draw a football instead. Probably he's too clever for these tricks. I'll have to find out.
Maybe I need to go on a drawing strike myself. Do it wrong or don't do it at all. He says "Right here, cat, Mama" and I shake my head or draw a football instead. Probably he's too clever for these tricks. I'll have to find out.
Monday, October 12, 2009
doctor yay!
No, that's not our pediatrician's name, though we love him. That's what G said on the way to the office this morning. "To the doctor. Doctor.... Yay!"
This was our very first doctor's visit without tantrums from G. What made it different? We told him what to expect and he was able to hear us... to understand, and therefore to feel it wasn't scary. Last year's visit involved dragging him onto the scale and unsuccessfully trying to convince him it was alright for several minutes while the nurse added to the problem by giving him instructions he couldn't understand in a forceful tone, making him scared of her as well as the scale. This time, he actually thought it was pretty cool to see how the scale works and the nurse wasn't upsetting even if she did look a little surprised by my enthusiastic response to G's success on the scale. And there was a big fish tank, with a toy car that blew bubbles from under its hood... definitely cool.
It was such a relief to see him happily being weighed and measured, answering the Dr's questions happily, understanding. I know it was a relief to him too. L carefully watched to see what her big brother thought of the office, and then grudgingly let the doctor listen to her heart and poke her tummy. After all, if G enjoyed it, it must be safe. A big brother is a wonderful thing!
This was our very first doctor's visit without tantrums from G. What made it different? We told him what to expect and he was able to hear us... to understand, and therefore to feel it wasn't scary. Last year's visit involved dragging him onto the scale and unsuccessfully trying to convince him it was alright for several minutes while the nurse added to the problem by giving him instructions he couldn't understand in a forceful tone, making him scared of her as well as the scale. This time, he actually thought it was pretty cool to see how the scale works and the nurse wasn't upsetting even if she did look a little surprised by my enthusiastic response to G's success on the scale. And there was a big fish tank, with a toy car that blew bubbles from under its hood... definitely cool.
It was such a relief to see him happily being weighed and measured, answering the Dr's questions happily, understanding. I know it was a relief to him too. L carefully watched to see what her big brother thought of the office, and then grudgingly let the doctor listen to her heart and poke her tummy. After all, if G enjoyed it, it must be safe. A big brother is a wonderful thing!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
fun at school
When I picked G up from preschool today, he looked happy. He even said "bye" to his class. So I thought I'd ask him that question I've asked so many times before with no luck. "Did you have fun at school?" And this time, he answered. "I had fun at school." Yay! It wasn't unique, and it was definitely modeled after my question, but he answered in the first person and said every word of the sentence and the little smile on his face told me that he understood what he was telling me. I am so proud of his progress!
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