This is something I think about all day every day with a very stubborn (entirely my fault, I'm positive) 4 year old and an opinionated and teething (read: very very very cranky) 2 year old. I used to have all these expectations. Crazy things, really, like wearing pajamas to bed, not eating chicken nuggets before 10 a.m., and regular toenail clipping.
Before I was a mom, things usually went according to plan and I realize now, my life and state of mind were severely lacking in spontaneity. Now, I am flexible by necessity. I've learned that it is much easier to make deals, to bargain, to compromise with my 4 year old if it's not a matter of life and death or severe spoiling. He needs a part in decision making in his life and in our family. It makes him happier, more confident, and more willing to listen when I say no and it's important. So, some nights he wears pants and t-shirts to bed. Some mornings my 2 year old has chicken nuggets (well, veggie chicken nuggets) and peas for breakfast and there is a set of very long toenails in the house.
The 4 year old is working on a mean set of negotiation tactics for future use. A few weeks ago he tried to bargain with me... he offered that he would eat a cookie and then I would play cars with him. Last night he tried to make a deal with me that he would put on his shoes (which he didn't want to do) in return for playdough. Soon he'll be negotiating for computer games and talking politics with me. And I'm thrilled by all this because my kids feel listened to in our house, which makes us all happier.
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